The silent killer

This is it. The last straw. You’ve snapped. However this is only on the inside. On the surface you look so stoic and poised. You’re ready to take on the world. But you don’t know how long you can keep up with the charade. You’ve kept this side hidden for so long that everything you do is in the autopilot mode. You’ve forgotten what it is to laugh and smile openly. However, all this and more is something only you notice. No one else sees it. You’ve decided that it’s time you end the game of charades. You’re determined. You’ve made up your mind.
You head home with a nylon rope, rat  poison and sleeping pills. You’ve seen this scene play out in your head so many times that you’re prepared. You’ve decided. It’s now or never. You meet your parents at home. They’re happy to see you back after a long day of work.  They’ve given you everything you’ve asked for. But the only thing that matters to you the most right now is giving up on everything. You’ve made up your mind.
You lock your room door under the pretext of wanting to change your clothes. You look towards your laptop. You erase the search history. Your attention goes towards the fan. You’re ready. You knot the nylon rope into a hoop. You’ve got the stool ready. Everything in place, you tighten the noose around your neck. You let go of the stool. Before you know it, you’re gone. You cease to exist.
Your soul emerges from your body, you’re wondering whether your folks would find out. Sure enough, mother comes and bangs the door. It doesn’t open. Father comes, knocks the door open only to see your lifeless body hung on to the ceiling fan.
What does the soul see? A weeping mother and a stunned father. Your soul catches the glimpse of your best friend. You two were supposed to have a study session. She’s shocked. She will forever be hating you for leaving her alone in the big bad world. Seeing all this, you long to get back into the young body you left so quickly. Your soul fights the urge. You float on. You see your baby sister sitting and weeping silently. You were her only source of strength.
The morning assembly announces your death. Reason: unknown. The class bully feels terrible. You witness all this and more but not in your physical state, more as a spiritual life force. You need to get back. But you can’t. You just can’t. You regret it. Or rather your soul does, which has been traveling since it can remember. It feels the urge to get back but you see it can’t. This is because the vessel is burnt. It has no home to return to now. The soul is forever tortured because it can’t find a forever home, it was comfortable with you, but you gave up too soon before it wanted to.
This post is purely because I want to spread awareness about mental health issues. Not many people acknowledge it openly. Many of us undergo bouts of depression but not all of us admit it. It is only when we recognise the problem can we solve it. It is only when we stop mocking people for their “weakness” can we address the elephant in the room which many of us fail to notice. Let’s all be stigma free and help such people when we begin to notice a difference in their behaviour and actions. Let’s all come together and save lives.

Nivedita Kaipa