Fireworks and August

‘The fireworks look so lonely’, she sighed to herself as she looked up at the sky.
‘Even though they burn so brightly’, her chain of thoughts continued.

Giving the fireworks one last glimpse, she moved from her spot and decided to carry on. She sighed as walked. Umbrella in one hand, her fists warm in her blue mittens and her neck covered with a matching muffler.

‘What would have happened if I hadn’t said it on that day? Would we still be in talking terms? Would the relation be the same?’, she mused as she walked back home. Out of the corner of her eye, she could still catch glimpses of the fireworks reflection in the river.
She was tempted to stop once more just to keep looking at them. The winter night got to her, she decided against it.

Her mind churned with so many thoughts she didn’t know existed. Some went further away than where she was present, yet her mind always focused on the fireworks. She had always been fascinated by them as a child. All her musings always ended with her thinking that the fireworks always looked lonely in the night sky. For some reason, that night sky for her was always in the month of August. Even on cold winter nights, she always went back to the month of August and the first thing that ever popped into her head was the fireworks. There was no significance in the month of August for her nor the fireworks. She was drawn to them like a moth to a flame.

Remember the day you asked me to walk home with you,
That was the happiest I’ve ever been,
No, really, it’s the happiest I’ve felt,
Reliving that day makes my heart smile.

Wondering if you still think about me as often as I think of you,
I ask my racing mind to slow down,
Just as the thought of not talking to you deepens the sorrows of my heart,
I tell my racing mind to quieten and my heart to be still,
That’s all I can do for now.

I look up at the fireworks and can’t help but wonder,
Even though they dazzle so brilliantly,
They look so lonely.

Her pen over paper, she pondered how she would start the next line. ‘Ugh, it doesn’t even rhyme.’

The month of August makes my heart flutter,
It takes me back to a time where I was happier,
Lesser heartbreak, more smiles,
The fireworks still dazzle so brightly in my memory.
I wonder if you look up at the sky and see what I see,

The heart is a fickle thing, even though it beats the same,
The heart feels too much and then too little,
Leaving me confused.
Is this what the fireworks feel?
Is this what the month of August looks like?

Now that I look back on it,
The memory so fleeting,
It’s fading away,
It’s time for me to move on,

Just like the cherry blossom petals fall five centimetres per second
I’ll be happier with just a faded memory,
There’s nothing much left to say,
Except for just a goodbye,

It’s time I move on,
Just like you have,
Consider this, you have been a happy memory,
Nothing more, nothing less.

Now I understand why the fireworks look so lonely,
Even though they dazzle so brilliantly,
The brightest must shine alone,
And so, I bid my adieu to you,
Taking nothing more than just a memory of you.

She stood up and looked at the night sky. The fireworks were still on. ‘Shine on’, she thought.

Finally free, her heart uncaged, she decided to let go.

‘The best is yet to come, bring it on.’

 

Manipal

This is not just a small place on the map of India. It is a feeling. This is not just some small town where I studied and graduated from. It’s a sense of belonging, a place where I found friends that turned into family, a place that I now call home. Four years here and time just flew. Some of the fondest memories were created here and I am forever grateful that I got to be a part of such an amazing journey with such phenomenal people.

I miss all this so much that I end up writing about this feeling, this place and its people. No matter where which part of India you came from, this place always accepted you. With all your flaws, your weaknesses and your strengths. A small university town where diversity thrived, where friendship blossomed and where self-discovery was a part of your journey. Sometimes on a day-to-day basis, sometimes it was an annual ritual to look back at the year you’ve had here and figure out yourself as a person.

A small town, with so much sentiment, a cosy place with so many memories, just a feeling of so much nostalgia. A longing to go back to the place I once belonged, a place that I once called home, a place that I will never tire of. This was once the place that I once took for granted, thinking that it would all last forever, but good times come to an end and so did my stay here. Four long years and it just flew by.

I miss the matching uniforms, the doodles on the back of our notebooks and my friends just screaming, “let’s head back!” after long drawn classes. I miss all the lunches and dinners we had together (let’s be real, we never made it for breakfast on time!). The long walks, the harmless fun, the flamboyant nights, the peaceful evenings and so much more, there is just so much more I miss about this cute little student town.

Manipal, I carry you wherever I go, I see you wherever I am and I long to return to you. You are not just a place for me, you are a feeling. Just as I have carried a piece of you in me, I have left a bit of myself with you in the form of laughter I’ve shared with my friends, the tears and the miles walked in this small town campus of ours. You can keep it forever, my dear.

Manipal- not just a place on the Indian map, a feeling. Manipal- no longer a small town but home. Manipal- all this and more.

On being complicated

This post has been inspired by one of the tags I received on Facebook two years ago. It has been two weeks since I had revisited it, and I just cannot get it out of my mind. This is only because I identify with the post more now than I did back then. It was when I did not know my own tenacity, my own determination and my own inner strength. Now that all this is out of the way, there is no doubt in my mind that I am complicated, I am difficult to handle, I am determined to the point of driving other people around me crazy.  This is not just for me, it is with other people as well. I push people only because I see potential, only because it is in me to motivate people to hustle hard to achieve their dreams.

So, most of you are just sitting and wondering, a post for just a rant like this? This isn’t just any rant or any topic that I talk about. The one thing that I am genuinely passionate about is inspiring people, that’s what this is about.

I see nothing to be ashamed of being complicated as a person. Neither should you. Don’t get me wrong, it goes all south if you are not mature enough in being complicated. If that happens, you can challenge people for all the wrong reasons, you can get stubborn without any firm base. Keep your head attached to your neck before you go declaring yourself as complicated.

You do not have to apologise for being demanding of yourself, especially when you know what you are capable of. If you manage to find someone like you or someone who hustles harder than you do, you are blessed. Do not let go of that person. Keep such people around you. Be around people who inspire you to do better than you can do.

Why is keeping someone who is complicated around you important?

1. They challenge you to push boundaries, to go beyond what you thought you were capable of and proving yourself wrong when you do accomplish what you thought was impossible.
2. They encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. These people know that life begins at the end of the comfort zone.
3. They help you grow as people. These are the best kind. They question you, provide constructive feedback, expand your horizons and overall make you better people.
4. They can be a wee bit eccentric, which is a good thing when controlled. You see, the thing with eccentric people is that they have a very different mindset. They do not care much for rules, their brains connect dots very differently and watching their mind tick is an absolute pleasure. They help you look at things differently and if you are a good student, you’ll learn how to think outside the box like them.
5. They choose to walk their own path, even if it means walking alone. Don’t get me wrong. Everyone has their own road to pave, some wait for others to do it, some look at others and follow their footsteps. These folks are not that kind, they prefer walking it alone. Mature, complicated adults and individuals alike research before diving head first, so that they do not get caught off guard.
6. They are inspirational and motivating. You see them work hard, being productive. If that’s not good enough, I don’t know what will ever be good enough for you.
7. They demand the best from you. For some, it could be a pain in the neck. I know it gets annoying, but look at it this way: what could be more wonderful than the fact that you have your own cheerleader, especially when nothing is looking up for you?
8. They will never give up, no matter what the circumstances. There is always a spark in them. Life may have beaten them black and blue, but these persons have so much tenacity, they do not give up. They always find a way to get back up.
9. They have one quote to go with; mind over matter. It is just that simple for them.

Sure, it is nice to have people who “easy” in life. But that’s just about it. There is nothing inspiring, there is nothing brilliant about such people. You feel validated when no one questions you and simply just worships you and puts you on a pedestal, but for how long can you keep standing there, unopposed? You are after all bestowed with brights in your brain, something that you will have to use. There is nothing awesome validating your existence from such people. They do not challenge you to grow or even tap into your potential.

But that’s not why you live, do you? You live to be challenged so that you can grow as a person, you live so that you LIVE and not just exist. You live so that you can turn into a butterfly and not just stay a caterpillar your whole life. You live to be seen in all your glory. So, go. Find someone who is better than you at everything you thought you were good at. Life is too short to be average. You and I, we both know we don’t do mediocre.

Why live like it then?

A Letter to Life

Hi there,

I know it has been long since we connected, so hello. How have you been? I trust that you have been treating you well, yes? I know you always get ill-will with everyone stating that life is unfair (so have I), but to you to I say, yes, you have been unfair. A lot of times. There are moments when I am living you, I just wish there was a little more balance in the way you approach people. Maybe not so in your face, but then again, you really don’t care what people think about you, do you? You do what you have to, to restore balance, to keep a few sane but some not so sane. I did not understand the way you work, but now that I have grown up, I do understand a few of your quirks, I do comprehend your honesty and I have also come to realise that I need to treat you as a regular person. Someone who makes unreasonable demands throws fits and temper tantrums, but also someone who is just as loving and capable if treated right. But even after treating you right, you are unfair and as a child, I never forgave that aspect of you but as an adult, I have learnt how to forgive you, I have learnt to accept you, just as I would with every other person that I meet today.
So, here’s take two on this rant.

Take 2

Hello Life!

It’s been really long since we connected and this is me, saying hello. I now treat you as I would my closest friends and family. You see, growing up, I never really understood the concept of giving and taking respect. As an adult, it is a concept that I have grasped (I hope it is not too late) and now that you know how I consider you as a regular person, I have come to respect you, love you and understand you. Of course, there are times that you drive me up the wall, but then again, if I wouldn’t have considered you this close, I would not have the nerve to annoy you and argue with you.

This is me saying thank you for all the times you proved me wrong. Remember the times when you knocked me down, but I refused to throw the towel, because I wanted to keep fighting, no matter what the cost? Yes, I do thank you. You made me understand my own inner strength and you may have guarded that secret until I was ready to realise my own potential, but you lifted the veil just when I had given up, for which I am grateful.

You also made me understand my own weaknesses, especially when I thought I could move mountains. This was when you made me understand that not every challenge that you throw across is a challenge that I was going to win. You made me understand the value of pressing pause, taking rest, sharpening my saw and taught me to get back up smarter and wiser.  I definitely did not appreciate the lessons back then, but now I do.

You of everyone that I have in my inner circle, have taught me the most. When I couldn’t forgive, you gradually took over, easing my pain, when I was angry, you took over, teaching me to let go of the source of anger. When I was happy, you taught me, slowly but gradually to enjoy each moment and not take a single second of happiness for granted. When I was upset, I learnt from you that sadness does not last forever and that at the end of every dark tunnel, there is always light, that I have to look for the light within me and more than anything, you have taught me to trust myself and to always have my own back.

Life, you have also trained me to accept people unconditionally, because just like you, they can be unfair, unrelenting and not so smooth sailing. You have also taught me that people can be difficult, but that does not stop them from being beautiful, just as you are. All this, only because I see you as a regular person. Just as I would learn from people, I have learnt from you. There have been times where I have detested you (especially as a child) but as an adult (still trying to adult here), I understand a lot better and I do not loathe you as much (there are times, even now) but I take every lesson that you hand out to me with a pinch of salt, just as I would when people have taught me.

So here’s to you. Thank you for being a mentor, an anchor, a guide and a lot more than just being you. You can be a pain in all the wrong places, but that comes with accepting you as a person and not as the awkward moment between birth and death anymore.

Yours truly.