July has been an intense month, in terms of emotions and I have been tested, like never before. In June, I wrote about releasing my emotions and freeing myself from what I felt. This month has been more about working through my past and learning to forgive myself and most importantly just learning to be gentle with myself and giving myself more time grieve, but not losing myself to grief or getting hung up on the words spoken said in anger and unable to say anything in return and learning to let go at the caustic words spat out.
So this month, my takeaway was to let go of the past and the people who hurt me, in a way to show that I have boundaries, even if it means not responding to them via a phone call or a text. It also means that every time I have the urge to reach out and apologise, I will not because only I know how toxic and detrimental they have been to my emotional health.
I have also learnt that it okay to embrace my shades of grey seeing as I am neither pure black nor white, but a result of the two being mixed to give grey. Just like the rain clouds that threaten to burst open at the slightest provocation, but also the same clouds who promise the sun’s face once they depart. Slowly but surely, I have learnt to stabilize my sense of being and just accepting where I am in life and fighting when I deem fit, only to expend my energy when I feel safe and to understand that not everyone understands that I need my own space.
This month has taught me to honour all emotions I have felt, freely and purposefully and intensely and be completely alright with it, seeing as I am only human and that I am NOT an ideal version of someone’s best friend, sister or daughter. It has been immensely cathartic and freeing to not live up to the “perfect” version of me and I am okay with it. I need to happy with my imperfections and that is what makes me who I am. July has been a month of growth, on handling rejection and also coming in terms to accept my feelings, just as they are. No justifications required, no explanations necessary and above all else, my peace, mental and emotional returned. Simply because I let go of the past that I will no longer let dictate my future.
What has the month of July taught you? Comment below and let me know.
Just Breathe. 